2010

So it's 2010. Nothing like the new year to make one reflect on years past & think about what you thought life would be like by now. It doesn't take the new year to make me think about those things but alright, I'll give in to indulge in it this time around. When I was younger I never had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life. I still don't really know. As a child I thought about writing a book or being a psychiatrist or making movies. I thought I would have a great career & make lots of money, enough to fill my closet w/ awesome clothes & to take me on a fancy vacation every year. I thought there would be nights filled w/ family & friends. It seemed to be better than normal & it seemed realistic. I saw a perfect version of myself in the future - one that knew how to play guitar and speak French & Italian.

It's funny how life turns out to be nothing at all what you thought it'd be like. My closet could be full of stylish clothes I suppose, if only I had more of a passion for shopping or the fashion sense to actually wear what styles I like. More of a relaxed jeans & sweatshirt girl I've become. I suppose the career doesn't lend itself to fix that much. The career has turned out to be a freelance-ish type situation in a very relaxed environment. Not really the secure future career I thought I'd have. I've been thinking lots lately about what to do w/ my "career". It's obvious to me there needs to be something more - but what that is I'm not really sure. The fancy vacations haven't been possible, although I did get one big one & a few small road trips & I'm ever grateful for those. I would make more of an effort to take one big one every 2 or 3 years if only I was not alone in this endeavor. I find myself thousands of miles away from family, sans my brother, whom I don't see taking a vacation w/ anytime soon. My friends all have their different ideas of what a good vacation is or where they'd like to go but most of the time, it just comes down to no one having money to do these things. I also have a few good friends scattered around the county. I really wish we could all live closer. Wouldn't that be nice? I barely know any French despite the years of high school classes & that college class I took. Learning another language is something that was in the back of my mind & I never really thought about diving into it when I went to college. At this point I'm not sure what to do about that but it still seems obtainable. And the guitar. Oh the guitar. I really need someone to give me lessons. I've been lackluster about teaching myself. I'm really the type of person that needs motivation & to be surrounded by people who are more active in that regard. The irregular work schedule doesn't really help w/ either of those things. I've thought about taking a French class or guitar lessons but the work schedule seems too difficult to manage doing it. Or is that just being lazy? Maybe both.

So I think about things to come. It's a new year. People like to make new starts. Well alright, let's do it. Maybe if I write it down I'll be more mindful to keep at it. Let's aim for that vacation. Let's actually finish learning how to play the guitar. Let's keep at the career & move it to a better place. Let's maybe even learn more French. Let's get outside & be more active. Maybe I'll even buy some nice blouses. It's all possible if I try hard enough & figure some things out.